GUILT AND SHAME ARE HABITS TOO
And we know that existing habits can be tough to break sometimes, right?
For many, our nutrition history has been very confusing. There has been so much right or wrong thrown our way via marketing; so many “good” foods and “bad” foods as decided by some particular fad within diet culture; fleeting trends with changing definitions of what’s right and wrong; and certain thoughts and feelings we’ve attached to certain food choices.
I want to share a recent experience I’ve had with one of my incredible clients --
While communicating with this client this week, we dug deep into some of the default thinking that she’s still experiencing regarding certain food choices -- particularly the shame and guilt that still creep in from time to time when incorporating foods into her mix that she once considered “off limits,” “unhealthy,” or “bad.”
Our time working together has allowed this client to not only trust me, but to also trust what her own dieting history has revealed: that restriction and demonizing certain foods is problematic. It is an old habit that leads to old behaviors.
And no one deserves to spiral into restriction and binging; we deserve to live presently with the ability to enjoy foods we love and feel confident in our nutrition.
Even with these incredible, attainable intentions and all the work that this client continues to put in, moments arise where the guilt and shame DO resurface because she has spent years feeling that way as a default and even though her emotional progress is already huge, under certain circumstances she may still experience brief lapses there from time to time.
This is not failure; it’s normal. Old habits take time to change, and that is part of the process of our nutrition journey.
Now how do we go about breaking these habits of guilt and shame around our food choices?
First, we can learn. We can work to create a sound understanding of what’s at work in our food choices. That comes from a basic understanding of macronutrients and how all foods are just a differing breakdown of protein/fat/carbs. This allows us to take away some of the demonization of certain foods.
We can ask and challenge ourselves: how do the choices that I currently feel good about differ from the choices that make me feel shameful or guilty?
Here’s an example:
Take a great snack like a banana + crunchy peanut butter:
This is a go-to snack my client loves
Nutritionally, the macronutrient breakdown probably looks like approximately:
30g carbohydrates
16g fat
10g protein
This is a snack she often includes in her day and feels great about.
Let’s compare it to a Reese’s peanut butter egg which was a treat she felt very remorseful about and that led her to feel a lot of guilt about enjoying Easter candies this week
This is a seasonal treat can be not just satisfying physically, but emotionally as well
Nutritionally, the macronutrient breakdown probably looks like approximately:
18g carbohydrates
10g fat
4g protein
What do each of those options offer us nutritionally when we look at the macronutrients? Neither are a source of protein to any real sizable extent (not bad, just a neutral notice). Both are sources of carbohydrates and fat. In terms of the big picture of what they offer our bodies in terms of nutrition, they are pretty alike. The difference between the two is negligible. Sure, option one has more micronutrients from the banana, but when comparing the two as one small snack in a well-rounded diet is negligible.
So we determine what’s at work based on what we know of food, and that’s our first step at challenging that tendency to include fear and shame. Those two choices are inherently far more similar that our brains might initially give them credit for.
Then we can dig a bit further: What else does the peanut butter and banana offer my body? From the banana I get a great dose of glucose for energy + fiber, some vitamin C, potassium and magnesium. The crunchy peanut butter offers my body Vitamin E, which helps combat oxidative stress and promotes my immunity. It gives me fat which helps me receive and make use of the vitamins that are fat-soluble only and a little bit of protein to top it off.
And then what about the Reese’s egg? The components that create the sugar in the egg all break down to glucose, just like in the banana. Our brains may see a difference in those sources of energy and the banana may offer a few more micronutrients than the table sugar included in the Reese's egg, but they are used as energy by our bodies all the same. Our bodies do not perceive those sources of glucose differently, none better than the other.
The Reese’s egg does offer us a dose of that permission that so many clients are working to fortify: permission to make choices simply because they make them happy. Permission to make choices that maybe aren’t whole food based or nutrient dense all the time, because we are allowed to enjoy our nutrition as flexible humans, not robots making robotic decisions that don’t take our emotions, our cultural celebrations, our birthdays or anniversaries in mind.
We are allowed to make decisions that serve us nutritionally, emotionally, and mentally.
We are allowed to work toward overall balance and get back to those vitamins and minerals (which are basically the only difference or component missing in our two example options) in a meal or snack later in the day.
This client and I have found great success in first really fortifying her own understanding of food and what’s at work in her choices and then continuing to push past those emotional habits that have long been attached to choices that look “different.”.
Sustainability looks like being able to include all foods in our nutrition -- to work at learning what choices help us feel our best the majority of the time, and the why behind guilt or shame becoming attached to specific choices to begin with. Chances are, it’s no more than a long ago voice we heard about certain things being “good foods” and certain ones being “bad”. Some trend or fad within an ever-confusing, ever shifting warped diet culture that has no real basis in overall health at all. Who told me to think or believe that choice was bad? Does it even make sense? Did that source of knowledge know anything about nutrition at all? Was THEIR approach sustainable?
When we can understand what’s at work in our food choices, we can empower ourselves to make informed decisions no matter the setting. We can dismantle a lifetime of guilt and shame that we may have attached to certain choices, food groups or food behaviors. We can step into the power of understanding balance and a right sized relationship with food, that’s only meant to enhance and support our lives, not to make us feel like hot trash about ourselves.
That includes Reese’s eggs at Easter for no reason in the world other than their absolute deliciousness.
When any shame or guilt based thoughts DO arise as we continue to work on our relationship with food, we can offer ourselves compassion. “Hey, this has been a habit of mine for a LONG TIME. And I understand now that it doesn’t mean I’m failing or not making progress toward a more free relationship with food if I do have those mental lapses into guilt from time to time.”
We don’t have to beat ourselves up.
We can watch those thoughts and feelings, and then allow our growing understanding of science, our bodies, and balance to support us and guide us in changing those thoughts. And maybe it takes some practice!
That practice is worth it.
We know that our nutrition is about so much more than just the foods we eat. It is about our relationship with food, our bodies, and ourselves.
If you’re feeling ready to dig deeper into your nutrition and all it encompasses, you can learn more about working with a nutrition coach here.